So you wanna get a license?

So, now that the Supremes have sung their refrain on gay marriage, now what??? During the next 30 days before the ruling is active, all the county registrars will be hustling to create new forms, train up their staff, and get ready for the onslaught of same-sex couples.  In the meantime, Chief Justice George, a Republican (let me say that again!) a Republican!!! will be taking the heat from all the far-right sides about this momentous decision.  He has been quoted that this was one of the toughest rulings he’s ever had to make in his career. (Read the article.)  

I’m a pragmatist.  The only thing I want to know is “How do I actually get our license and fast!?”  I wish it were as easy as going down to city hall, it’s actually a Los Angeles County thing, so a couple has to go to an assigned county registrar office to obtain a marriage license. For those of us in the greater Los Angeles County area, our choices are: Beverly Hills, Van Nuys, Lancaster, Compton, East LA, and Norwalk. Sucks for us living in San Gabriel. Let’s see, shall we cross the Valley or brave the 5 or the 405 freeway in daytime traffic????? Hmmmm…maybe I’ll just stick pins in my eyeballs.

Nevertheless, sitting in freeway traffic to get our marriage license will be well worth it.

So, here are just some things to know about getting a license in Los Angeles County.  For more detailed information go to the LA County registrar’s office website at  http://www.lavote.net/clerk/marriages.cfm

1. Both spouses must be present to sign the application.
2. Both spouses must provide PROOF of IDENTITY by way of driver’s license, passport, or alien ID card. And all documents must be in English.
3. You DON’T need a blood test or a health certificate to get a license in CA.
4. You DON’t need to be a citizen of the US or a resident of CA to obtain a marriage license in CA.
5. The license fee is $70 payable by cash, check or money order.
Oh yeah, licenses can be obtained if you show up at the office at least 1 hour before the registrar’s office closes.  So no last minute quickies, boys and girls. 

 

But getting a marriage license isn’t everything….Weddings and licenses are all the talk right now.  The wedding business are going to have a mini-gold rush with all the gay weddings that are going to happen between now and November.  For those of you who haven’t been together for a million years waiting for this miracle to happen, for those young ‘uns who will be true newlyweds, I’d like to share this with you, courtesy of that great swami, Oprah.  She recently featured the 20 questions one should ask BEFORE tying the proverbial knot.

I wouldn’t stake my relationship on this questionnaire, but it does make a good conversation starter, yeah?   If you really want to get down and dirty and find out about who or what type of person would be best matched to you, I’d sit down for the hour that it takes to fill out the personality profile at eharmony.com.   It’s free, and even though eharmony doesn’t match for gay couples, it’s uncannily accurate in developing your profile and spitting out the profile of the person with whom you would be most compatible. (But that’s another whole blog entry, which I’ll get to later.)

Question 1: What percentage of our income are we prepared to spend to purchase and maintain our home on a monthly or annual basis?

Question 2: Who is responsible for keeping our house and yard cared for and organized? Are we different in our needs for cleanliness and organization?

Question 3: How much money do we earn together? Now? In one year? In five years? Ten? Who is responsible for which portion? Now? In one year? Five? Ten?

Question 4: What is our ultimate financial goal regarding annual income, and when do we anticipate achieving it? By what means and through what efforts?

Question 5: What are our categories of expense (rent, clothing, insurance, travel)? How much do we spend monthly, annually, in each category? How much do we want to be able to spend?

Question 6: How much time will each of us spend at work, and during what hours? Do we begin work early? Will we prefer to work into the evening?

Question 7: If one of us doesn’t want to work, under what circumstances, if any, would that be okay?

Question 8: How ambitious are you? Are we comfortable with the other’s level of ambition?

Question 9: Am I comfortable giving and receiving love sexually? In sex, does my partner feel my love for him or her?

Question 10: Are we satisfied with the frequency of our lovemaking? How do we cope when our desire levels are unmatched? A little? A lot? For a night? A week? A month? A year? More?

Question 11: Do we eat meals together? Which ones? Who is responsible for the food shopping? Who prepares the meals? Who cleans up afterward?

Question 12: Is each of us happy with the other’s approach to health? Does one have habits or tendencies that concern the other (e.g., smoking, excessive dieting, poor diet)?

Question 13: What place does the other’s family play in our family life? How often do we visit or socialize together? If we have out-of-town relatives, will we ask them to visit us for extended periods? How often?

Question 14: If we have children, what kind of relationship do we hope our parents will have with their grandchildren? How much time will they spend together?

Question 15: Will we have children? If so, when? How many? How important is having children to each of us?

Question 16: How will having a child change the way we live now? Will we want to take time off from work, or work a reduced schedule? For how long? Will we need to rethink who is responsible for housekeeping?

Question 17: Are we satisfied with the quality and quantity of friends we currently have? Would we like to be more involved socially? Are we overwhelmed socially and need to cut back on such commitments?

Question 18: What are my partner’s needs for cultivating or maintaining friendships outside our relationship? Is it easy for me to support those needs, or do they bother me in any way?

Question 19: Do we share a religion? Do we belong to a church, synagogue, mosque or temple? More than one? If not, would our relationship benefit from such an affiliation?

Question 20: Does one of us have an individual spiritual practice? Is the practice and the time devoted to it acceptable to the other? Does each partner understand and respect the other’s choices?

So good luck folks.   Book the location, the caterer, and the officiate of your choice because it’s going to be a really busy summer.   Look up the rules and regs in the county of your choice and get that license.  

 

Supreme Court ruling on marriage

 

The CA Supreme court has ruled today IN FAVOR of marriage – for ALL couples.  Not just boy-girl couples, but boy-boy and girl-girl couples.  That means, that for those of us who have made commitments to our partners, who are raising our children, and building our extended family and community, we can be recognized LEGALLY as family unit.  

 

 

 

 

When Pamela and I had our commitment ceremony nearly 13 years ago, we did it knowing that we would not have the same rights as a hetorosexual couple.  We couldn’t appropriately say, “We’re getting married.”  We had a “commitment ceremony” officiated by our minister, Reverend Larry Keene.  We were wed in the eyes of our Creator and our family, but not in the eyes of civil authority.   We had to take extra measures to ensure that our rights to take care of our spouse and our children were recognized by civil institutions, like hospitals, and schools, and workplace.  When I gave birth to our first child we went through the ridiculous exercise of adoption through the Department of Child and Family Services (DCFS) whereby I had to sign away my parental right to my daughter so Pam could adopt her as a single parent…but, nod-nod, wink-wink, there’s a statement at the veeeeery end of that legal document that says, “I’m really not giving up my rights, but since you, the state, don’t recognize our freedom to be a family, I have to go through all these hoops, so our daughter can have two – count them – TWO MOTHERS!  Thankfully, by the time our second child was born, that nonsense was replaced with a more civilized procedure.  When Henry was born, Pam, as my “Registered Domestic Partner” (“RDP”) was even on the birth certificate as the “Father”.  Talk about miracles.

 

Many things have improved over the last 13 years, and California has the most comprehensive Domestic Partnership Legislation in the entire country.  But as we have learned in this country, “separate but equal” is neither fair nor equal.  Back in the 1940’s the California Supreme Court lead the country by being the first state to recognize and  legalize inter-racial marriage, and they used that historical context to study and reflect upon the issues they faced in this case.   

 

So, what does that mean for us, “Al Franken?”  What this means in practical terms is this:  When a schoolmate asks, “Are girls allowed to marry girls?”  or “Is your mommy married?”, my daughter can answer unequivocally, “YES.”  There is no more quotation around the term “married”.  There is no more caveat, “Well, we had a symbolic ceremony, but it’s not legal.”  (Odd enough since it is the right wing, fundamentalist conservatives who are leading the fight against legalizing same-sex marriage.)

 

 After 13 years, two children, and a dog, Pam and I can line up at City Hall and apply for a license.  We can obtain a piece of embossed paper that will put us on equal footing with all the other legally suffering married couples in California. And to that, I say, YIPPEEEEEE!!!   

 

 

Excerpt from Supreme Court opinon…

 

…. our state now recognizes that an individual’s capacity to establish a loving and long-term committed relationship with another person and responsibly to care for and raise children does not depend upon the individual’s sexual orientation, and, more generally, that an individual’s sexual orientation — like a person’s race or gender — does not constitute a legitimate basis upon which to deny or withhold legal rights.  We therefore conclude that in view of the substance and significance of the fundamental constitutional right to form a family relationship, the California Constitution properly must be interpreted to guarantee this basic civil right to all Californians, whether gay or heterosexual, and to same-sex couples as well as to opposite-sex couples.[1

 

 For more information, or if you’re a legal geek and want to see the opinion, go to http://www.courtinfo.ca.gov/opinions/

Comprehensive news coverage from:

CNN.com – http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/05/15/same.sex.marriage/index.html?eref=rss_topstories

The Mercury News   – http://www.mercurynews.com/breakingnews/ci_9269719

Los Angeles Times – http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-gaymarriage16-2008may16,0,6182317.story

San Francisco Chronicle –  http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-conflict13-2008may13,0,7029593.story

 

 

 

 

 

 

On the subject of marriage

This year will mark 13 years of “marriage” for my partner and me. I put the quotes in there because, technically, in the eyes of the state of California and all the others, except for my beloved Massachusetts, we are less than married. At least in California, our commitment is recognized by the Domestic Partnership Bill. As such, my partner is recognized as the legal parent of both of our children. I am covered under her insurance policy, and we can, should we choose to, file our taxes jointly. Regardless, we still have gone through extreme measures to plan and strategize our estate planning, and health care directives because you just never know. Should we ever move out of the enlightened state of California, our choices for a new home location will be limited. Mind you, I like the choices – New York, Massachusetts, New Jersey, and Oregon are fine states. However, the fact remains, that in the land of the free – my family is restricted as to where we can live safely and securely, with the assurance that our family unit will be recognized and respected by the social services, hospitals, and government offices. As my son’s teachers say, “Boys and girls, that’s unacceptable.”

And so, in this election year we need to make sure that whoever we bring to office locally, state, or federal office – will be someone who will support the Freedom to Marry for All people, not just some people.